For many years now I have been searching for self awareness, knowledge, happiness and love both by creative and destructive ways. I tried many things. Sometimes the normal daily life and daily activities were out of reach due to my health issues. I have tried so hard all these years to keep that peace with myself amidst all the things happening. I kept telling myself that I’m perfectly normal, strong and have nothing to worry about. I know I’m vulnerable but I decided to overlook it because I was afraid that diving into it will just make me even more vulnerable. I thought acting strong is the best way to cope up with everything.
I found a lot there but not exactly what I was looking for. I’m grateful for all those paths I walked and all those people I met, all those mistake s I embraced. After all they brought me where I’m today and made me what I’m today.
I got introduced to yoga at my very early age but I never actually believed in it. I thought it’s just a milder form of exercise and I was never persistent in terms of practice. I used to do it now and then occasionally to relax myself.
With the desperateness to become something else, with the desperateness to seek for something more intense, I decided to give one chance to myself with yoga, only this time I decided to do it keeping my faith in it laying my mind and soul on that mat.
Now my yoga mat became a place I always come back to, a place of safety. It feels like home. It became a tool to observe my thoughts and my worried and insecure feelings buried inside all these days.
It s not always easy but as I tried focussing on it, I became calmer, felt more safe. It made me much more alive. I knew this is just a start and I’m not giving up this time. I’m going to pursue it till the end and going to experience all those profound experiences it brings to me and share it with people.
Though I come across as a person who is brave enough to share anything,to pursue anything I want in my life, I have always been little insecure. I for once decided to be not just brave, brave and determined enough this time to go all the way and do whatever it takes to find a better me and pursue my goals. I for once decided to be actually brave enough to share or write things that I always avoided fearing that my thoughts might come across funny / foolish to my readers.
This time, I have decided to do it. I’m going to write everyday on this page about my activities, my thoughts, my strength s, my insecurities everything I can think of. This time, I’m going to do it for myself, just for myself to put myself out there.
I come to realize I can only fix my insecurities by finding them and fixing them and not by hiding them. Anyone who wants to be a part of this journey are more than welcome. With much love………
_ Jahnavi Chowdary.
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